ok, so maybe its that i don't like to be stopped from what i'm doing, told i'm wrong. I'd rather you treated me like a valid person who can figure things out for myself. i am not 14 months old like my son. and even that, i'd prefer you treat him like a valid and capable person who can learn for himself what is good to do or not to do. its a drum. its matt's drum. it doesn't even sound good right now because its soo loose. being as it needs to be tightened anyway, what's the harm in exploring what its capable of? the drum is replacable. and at the very least, the head is replacable with cowhide that would sound significantly better. try to tell me its because of the way you were taught that a drum had to be played a specific way and all i can think is "get outside your fucking box." there is more than one way to play a piano, more than one way to play a gui-tar, more than one way to playing a dying djembe.
we learned about montessori in class the other day. while i appreciate that it feels that all children are capable, that they can help each other with little adult intervention, i really do not like that one cannot explore a task/toy until one has been "given a lesson". fuck lessons. 90% of my musical learning has been done alone, on my own, with very little help from instructors. granted, i don't know a heck of a lot about how to read and write music, but that really doesn't bother me. i can play. i can play a lot of instruments. should i not have experimented with turning the slide whistle into a multi-noted flute, a woodwind trombone simply because most people have only ever been taught to use it to make sound effects for cartoons? no, i don't think so. and it would not have been a big deal if you'd just let me finish out what i was doing. more than likely i would have tired of that silly old drum in a moment anyway and gone on my way. there are no sharp points on a perfectly round globe. there is nothing to cut the very strong fibers of the synthetic head with. . . my house may be a little chaotic, a little unconventional, but i very rarely break things. very very rarely. can't recall the last time i broke a dish. the last time i really remember something breaking so as to be unusable in my house was when ne cut his hand on the pyrex bowl. . . and maybe my real issue here is in the attachment. the unwillingness for a thing to be used in such a way that might use it up. particularly in contrast with the kind of art that she makes that most often requires the destruction of something(s) else. i feel like i am not trusted. no faith in my ability to recognize danger. i might have been high, but i wasn't out of my element. i wasn't falling down drunk. and i don't understand a person who breaks everybody else's rules interfering so much in other people's business. . . the only thing i can do is resolve not to use her drums. because i am unconventional. because i will try things. because if the recorder squeaks to high hell, i don't care because i'm learning about it. because i'm willing to replace whatever i break. i am responsible for my own actions, and for those of my child, and i don't wield that responsibility irrationally. . . how irrational to ask a person who is perfectly content in the moment "what's wrong?" as mira did. nothing, everything is just right. but then at least she came down and looked me in the eye to see it, to be in it with me. everything is just fine. i work/have worked really hard to get myself to that sense of peace, of orientation in space, and i should be trusted to take care of myself or to ask for what's missing. . . and i don't like fucking pda's. i don't need to see you necking with your girlfriend. and i don't like my child seeing that. sexual relationships are not something i feel he needs to be exposed to at this time because i have no way of helping him to explain them to himself. you wouldn't show an R rated movie to a child this age either. . . i also don't like that people feel the need to use pda to establish who's with whom. we all know ad & emily are together. we all know jame/amy are together. . . and is that biased because i nurse my son in public. is that a pda? human biological need. other cultures don't show sexual affection in public. my family did not show sexual affection in public. a couple sitting together was not uncommon. a kiss in passing, not uncommon. necking around the card table, that was not done. it seems to me like a lack of maturity, that you can't spend a couple hours in the company of your current mate without reminding each other of your sex, without foreplay.
what else? i really didn't like that she didn't respect rene enough, as a person, to allow him to play with certain instruments. she would decide she wanted it and just go take it from him. he was banging on something. she walked up, buddy i want that drum. he was oblivious. thought aloud whether she should just take it. i said, if you want to deal with him screaming you and go ahead and take it. 'taking candy from a baby' is not an easy thing to do afterall. . .
but she's like that about a lot of things. its ok for her, but not for you. she can fuck tanya in the backseat of the car i'm driving, but i can't fuck billy in another room. um, she can cheat on whomever, but they can't even think about someone else. and its not about "i'm not that sure that i'm cool". get over it, chick. golden rule. treat others as you want to be treated. if you want your toys taken away, if you want friends to put limitations on you, by all means, put limitations on them.
01 April 2007
05 March 2007
watching the slideshow on erin & alan's computer. god i want to go camping!! frigging march snowy yeaugh. put my money away for michigan though. $1500 in the savings for michigan and whatever else i might need. but god we really gotta go. finally ready. but i really want to go camping otherwise. just right now, want to be in the woods. i miss the woods. its been so cold or snowy or just not the right time to be woods walking. plus i don't really have the right boots. i think i'm gonna invest in some LLBean duck boots for next winter so we can go hiking through the snow and not worry about how wet the feet will get when the leather boots are saturated...
why i'm here blogging today:
its been one of those mornings where you think about whether what you've chosen to do is really gonna work. no, i don't mean that. i do want to do this, but gosh whiny on top of whiny on top of whiny... is enough to drive a person crazy.
so, i was in Mia Putia this weekend. twice. Friday i bought diapers from Zebedee. he had the bum genius 1.0 on sale buy 3 get 1. ok, i'll spend the money to try the pocket diapers since everybody raves about them. and yeah, i like 'em. i worry that they stay a little too dry, but i don't worry too much about that i guess. potty learning really should be about the child sensing his need to pee, rather than his diaper being wet after. poop came out pretty well, though it was not a particularly runny poop, the one we had, so we'll see. but they're nice. . . so then i went back on sunday to buy laundry soap cuz he sells refills of oxy-prime, which is all-natural, un-scented, and cleans diapers and clothes up really well. so while he's refilling, i check out the slings he's got for sale. the New Native. yuch. i don't like that. although, who was it that thought they wanted to try one? Chandi? maybe. i should ask her. i could certainly try making one. i just don't like the unadjustability of it. and now they're mass produced, so it only comes in 5 colors. and he had a ring sling. i pulled it down. crap. it just wasn't really anything special. and selling for $35 - $50. i don't think so. i mean, the ones i've made, total cost of the most expensive one was $27 - that's Ian's actually, because i really loved the fabric enough to spend $7/yd. i just check slingrings.com and i can get a quantity discount for rings. so anyway, high end spend $27 on materials and get it made in 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. sell it for $50. yeah, that works for me. so, i talked with zebedee about the slings. where did he get them, etc. he said he's working with a woman in california, but would be interested in a local supplier. i say, i've only made a few and given them away, but mine are way better than what he's got. he says come talk to him after he gets back from his business trip and we'll work something out. i'm not sure what cut he'd take from the price, but hey, who can complain about this. i've had a lot of people again telling me, "you should sell those". i had talked about it last summer, but didn't really get anywhere with it. now, i think it would be worthwhile. a good way to spend my summer at least. . . so high from talking with zebedee, i went to the co-op for breakfast. ecstaticly told jay about my talk with zebedee, then went to place our order. a woman from my geology class. i recognized her because she's the little pregnant one. kim. with her son (4 maybe) noel, and partner chris. kim says she likes my sling. when i say i made it, she asks if i sell them. as a matter of fact, i just struck a deal. check back in a couple weeks...
and then they both wake up. ne wants to nurse everytime ian is anywhere near my breasts, if only to claim they're his. ian just cries. i'm more responsive to feeding him, but god he just cries. maybe he wanted his diaper changed before he went to sleep but fussy baby on a changing table with equally fussy toddler on the ground, and mommy who wants to cry in frustration doesn't sound like a good combination. ian, i'm not gonna hold and shake you all day. you gotta learn to self-soothe. i wonder what tribal people would do with such a child. but then i think, they wouldn't have one. they wouldn't have babies who come into the world distrusting even their own mother. babies and moms who did not make it through labor and delivery together would not survive. one of them would not survive. this is natural order. as much as is not vaccinating. i love love love my child, but i have to say, if he has to suffer some dread disease as a consequence of natural order, i have to be ok with that, as much as i am ok with myself suffering for natural order. that is my belief. i can do my best to keep him healthy, but if Nature wants him for sacrifice, who am i to stand in Her way?
just how exactly does one know if she is suited for childcare? i guess i have in mind times with older kids - ones who are able to speak and ask for what they want/need instead of screaming. screaming. screaming as this one does. and then screaming, ne is encouraged to whine and to cry for what he wants, which is often in conflict with the baby's needs. i don't remember rene at 9 weeks old. i want to think he didn't just scream all the time. in fact, he was already at daycare, and i'm sure he didn't just cry all day. i don't know how to handle this child who just cries. tired, he cries. hungry, he cries. diaper, he cries. rene bashed him, he cries. they're not different cries. they really are not. its the same "the world is against me" pitiful cry. the kind that makes me want to say, sorry, too bad, guess you'll just die then. but you can't say that to a baby.
why i'm here blogging today:
its been one of those mornings where you think about whether what you've chosen to do is really gonna work. no, i don't mean that. i do want to do this, but gosh whiny on top of whiny on top of whiny... is enough to drive a person crazy.
so, i was in Mia Putia this weekend. twice. Friday i bought diapers from Zebedee. he had the bum genius 1.0 on sale buy 3 get 1. ok, i'll spend the money to try the pocket diapers since everybody raves about them. and yeah, i like 'em. i worry that they stay a little too dry, but i don't worry too much about that i guess. potty learning really should be about the child sensing his need to pee, rather than his diaper being wet after. poop came out pretty well, though it was not a particularly runny poop, the one we had, so we'll see. but they're nice. . . so then i went back on sunday to buy laundry soap cuz he sells refills of oxy-prime, which is all-natural, un-scented, and cleans diapers and clothes up really well. so while he's refilling, i check out the slings he's got for sale. the New Native. yuch. i don't like that. although, who was it that thought they wanted to try one? Chandi? maybe. i should ask her. i could certainly try making one. i just don't like the unadjustability of it. and now they're mass produced, so it only comes in 5 colors. and he had a ring sling. i pulled it down. crap. it just wasn't really anything special. and selling for $35 - $50. i don't think so. i mean, the ones i've made, total cost of the most expensive one was $27 - that's Ian's actually, because i really loved the fabric enough to spend $7/yd. i just check slingrings.com and i can get a quantity discount for rings. so anyway, high end spend $27 on materials and get it made in 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. sell it for $50. yeah, that works for me. so, i talked with zebedee about the slings. where did he get them, etc. he said he's working with a woman in california, but would be interested in a local supplier. i say, i've only made a few and given them away, but mine are way better than what he's got. he says come talk to him after he gets back from his business trip and we'll work something out. i'm not sure what cut he'd take from the price, but hey, who can complain about this. i've had a lot of people again telling me, "you should sell those". i had talked about it last summer, but didn't really get anywhere with it. now, i think it would be worthwhile. a good way to spend my summer at least. . . so high from talking with zebedee, i went to the co-op for breakfast. ecstaticly told jay about my talk with zebedee, then went to place our order. a woman from my geology class. i recognized her because she's the little pregnant one. kim. with her son (4 maybe) noel, and partner chris. kim says she likes my sling. when i say i made it, she asks if i sell them. as a matter of fact, i just struck a deal. check back in a couple weeks...
and then they both wake up. ne wants to nurse everytime ian is anywhere near my breasts, if only to claim they're his. ian just cries. i'm more responsive to feeding him, but god he just cries. maybe he wanted his diaper changed before he went to sleep but fussy baby on a changing table with equally fussy toddler on the ground, and mommy who wants to cry in frustration doesn't sound like a good combination. ian, i'm not gonna hold and shake you all day. you gotta learn to self-soothe. i wonder what tribal people would do with such a child. but then i think, they wouldn't have one. they wouldn't have babies who come into the world distrusting even their own mother. babies and moms who did not make it through labor and delivery together would not survive. one of them would not survive. this is natural order. as much as is not vaccinating. i love love love my child, but i have to say, if he has to suffer some dread disease as a consequence of natural order, i have to be ok with that, as much as i am ok with myself suffering for natural order. that is my belief. i can do my best to keep him healthy, but if Nature wants him for sacrifice, who am i to stand in Her way?
just how exactly does one know if she is suited for childcare? i guess i have in mind times with older kids - ones who are able to speak and ask for what they want/need instead of screaming. screaming. screaming as this one does. and then screaming, ne is encouraged to whine and to cry for what he wants, which is often in conflict with the baby's needs. i don't remember rene at 9 weeks old. i want to think he didn't just scream all the time. in fact, he was already at daycare, and i'm sure he didn't just cry all day. i don't know how to handle this child who just cries. tired, he cries. hungry, he cries. diaper, he cries. rene bashed him, he cries. they're not different cries. they really are not. its the same "the world is against me" pitiful cry. the kind that makes me want to say, sorry, too bad, guess you'll just die then. but you can't say that to a baby.
13 February 2007
how could i have done better this morning?
i'm not sure why he was so tired. he slept almost 12 hours last night. but only one nap yesterday. he wanted to just nurse and nurse and stay in bed, relax into the day as we'd done the last 3 days. but today is a school day. of course he does not understand. i have no way to tell him. at least not in any way that will matter to a 13 month old. what could i do?
the last couple days it really worked to put him in the sling when he was fussy, so he could be part of what i was doing. that may have worked. i am loathe to do that school-day mornings because it slows me down. especially on days like today - i was 20 minutes late for class.
speaking of class, i'm not liking this class. even now that its better than i thought it was going to be, i don't like it. the focus on discrimination, while it points out past wrongs, seems to me really negative. why don't we focus on what's valuable about women and minority groups and how to share that with our students? i've been infected by unschooling. the whole world looks different to me now.
speaking of which... we have an interview tomorrow evening @ Anodyne on Brady with a couple and their first child Ian who is 6 weeks old. she works for the city in historic preservation (i think)/renovation?, just two days a week. how lucky! and she's able to choose her days. oh how cool and perfect. they also have a big old dog. they're not sure about dogs and little ones (who is?), but she likes their 7 year old downstairs neighbor boy. we can handle that. Ian is a little collicky, she says, but loves to be worn. perfect. i think ne is ready for me to have another baby. i guess, i can really see how it would work at this point, moreso than any other time previous. having james at daycare i'm sure has helped. its really funny - he's got this glo-worm that he was never interested in before, but he's now decided that its the baby. he brings it over to me to cradle and care for. i show him how to be "nice" and he pets "the baby". its so cute. newborns do require a good deal of care and attention, but i think that combination works really wonderfully, that he can be a 'big brother'. and for me, i get to have itty baby around without having to go through being preggers, get to re-test everything i've done thus far with Rene, no skipping ahead to places I haven't been yet. i had a great phone conversation with her yesterday, so i'm really hopeful. . . she asked what my vision/plan was. totally honest, i'm free-falling right now, took a leap and checking the air for what wind will catch me. i know i'm headed to this unschooling/AP based daycare, to living with my child/with children. i don't know quite how i'm getting there, but nannying would be perfect - i also get the advantage of sending the child home - and looking into the cleaning business for side jobs. i know that i gave up my 40 hr/week lifestyle and i'm really enjoying it. i don't want to go back. . well, i hope i answered right. what i can say is that i'm a singing, dancing, whole foods-ing, trying to be the best mom/caregiver i can be-ing. i am always learning - which i why i belong to so damn many yahoo groups now...
fingers crossed.
not sure how i could have done better this morning. it was rough. some days are like that. you can't be happy all the time.
i'm not sure why he was so tired. he slept almost 12 hours last night. but only one nap yesterday. he wanted to just nurse and nurse and stay in bed, relax into the day as we'd done the last 3 days. but today is a school day. of course he does not understand. i have no way to tell him. at least not in any way that will matter to a 13 month old. what could i do?
the last couple days it really worked to put him in the sling when he was fussy, so he could be part of what i was doing. that may have worked. i am loathe to do that school-day mornings because it slows me down. especially on days like today - i was 20 minutes late for class.
speaking of class, i'm not liking this class. even now that its better than i thought it was going to be, i don't like it. the focus on discrimination, while it points out past wrongs, seems to me really negative. why don't we focus on what's valuable about women and minority groups and how to share that with our students? i've been infected by unschooling. the whole world looks different to me now.
speaking of which... we have an interview tomorrow evening @ Anodyne on Brady with a couple and their first child Ian who is 6 weeks old. she works for the city in historic preservation (i think)/renovation?, just two days a week. how lucky! and she's able to choose her days. oh how cool and perfect. they also have a big old dog. they're not sure about dogs and little ones (who is?), but she likes their 7 year old downstairs neighbor boy. we can handle that. Ian is a little collicky, she says, but loves to be worn. perfect. i think ne is ready for me to have another baby. i guess, i can really see how it would work at this point, moreso than any other time previous. having james at daycare i'm sure has helped. its really funny - he's got this glo-worm that he was never interested in before, but he's now decided that its the baby. he brings it over to me to cradle and care for. i show him how to be "nice" and he pets "the baby". its so cute. newborns do require a good deal of care and attention, but i think that combination works really wonderfully, that he can be a 'big brother'. and for me, i get to have itty baby around without having to go through being preggers, get to re-test everything i've done thus far with Rene, no skipping ahead to places I haven't been yet. i had a great phone conversation with her yesterday, so i'm really hopeful. . . she asked what my vision/plan was. totally honest, i'm free-falling right now, took a leap and checking the air for what wind will catch me. i know i'm headed to this unschooling/AP based daycare, to living with my child/with children. i don't know quite how i'm getting there, but nannying would be perfect - i also get the advantage of sending the child home - and looking into the cleaning business for side jobs. i know that i gave up my 40 hr/week lifestyle and i'm really enjoying it. i don't want to go back. . well, i hope i answered right. what i can say is that i'm a singing, dancing, whole foods-ing, trying to be the best mom/caregiver i can be-ing. i am always learning - which i why i belong to so damn many yahoo groups now...
fingers crossed.
not sure how i could have done better this morning. it was rough. some days are like that. you can't be happy all the time.
03 February 2007
here i am, not doing my work. too tired to work, too stubborn to sleep. beside me sleeps a miniature prince. those small beautiful lips, his golden brown curls... so much changing for us these days. i'm back in school at UWM. this round for childcare. shit, soon as i start, paths open up other ways. looking for work. got an interview with Rainbow Bridge - its 1 block away on Weil. waldorf-based. 1 - 5pm afternoons. i thought for sure, and then remembered that i have class til 1.45 tues/thurs. maybe she'll take 2.15 to 5? shoot. otherwise, i'm looking at housecleaning. ad & i are talking about working on it together. we have to work up ideas yet, but could be useful. great to start working with her on a project actually. life goes on and we decide we're sticking together. great. like sister this time. brothers. well, whatever. i tell her today that i'm thinking plans for the space downstairs, that if i don't get to move in there it better be because we had a real big don't ever talk to each other again fight. she says, nope, we can't do that anymore, points to ne'. right, can't do that anymore, and i really don't want to. so, i'm gonna paint the kitchen orange. with yellow trim. like the sun, like that apt in Bayview M & I looked at. that green bedroom.. maybe with brown & tan trim so it feels earthy. use that as my room/family room. front room i'd like to leave open to the daycare at this point since there is only living room and kitchen. unless Ne really needs his own space at that time... a blue room. a red room. really want to make this happen. . so, yeah, maybe step one is Becky's Rainbow. if so, I'll surely make my schedule work for future semesters..
setting up outlook. do i need to do this? do i need to blog? if i keep a paper calendar, do i need an e-calendar? eh, too late to un-waste that time now. it could be useful. its all what you make it. tired now, very tired, but unsure of my situation again, and that's motivating me to stay up. the prospect of having to drop a class, even one i don't really need, means that i'm changing the one the i thought i had scheduled. its kinda big for me. hey, if it works, great, if it doesn't it doesn't. no harm no foul in checking it out. if it doesn't fly, we keep looking. we keep looking. god, i just want something to pull through, to be situated a bit. just and income and something fun to do. yeah, i know i don't have experience other than being a mom, but i'm doing a good job of that mostly, and i just need more time to get better, more time with him, with others, more practice. still often wondering if childcare is what i really want to do, and who can say. i do know that its a reasonable way to be able to stay home with my kid(s) and make a living - to not be on W2 myself, even if they are paying me - for other people. god knows i'm not perfect, but i think i'd be a great caregiver. certainly, i'm not gonna sit and watch tv all day. i pay attention, i play, i music, i talk and interact. i want to do field trips and experiments and gardening and useful things. i want to live and grow and help others do the same. to build community, to grow within one, to watch my children grow within a community and, if i'm lucky and have done my job right, watch my grandchildren grow within the same community, to restart a bit of the tribalism written into my genetic code. share food, share house, share bed, share space and thought and time, share life and love, share HOME. these are the things i want. i want to share. i want to be with and within. i want to find a place for me, a place where people are like me and not, where people compare and contrast me, where those differences are used to create community, to build knowledge, to build buildings and beehives.. I want to live in that damn house adrienne. i know why i had to give it up this round, for mira. i love that little sister. but please, can i move in next, settle us down a little bit, be a place, a home. still crazy after all these years, but at least with some roots..
I'm not sure if becky's is gonna be the right place, but i should at least go and talk to her, meet her and see what she does. . i'm considering moving rene' out of barb's either way. its a long ways to travel for me. the bus travels up and down locust - 7 blocks from home both ways and it takes me an hour or more to get there. not smart. so either way, over the next bit here i'm gonna look for a new spot for him. maybe at becky's or lifeways or just somewhere up here. shit, i feel bad for that. making such big changes. taking him from the people he knows.
such a feeling of guilt i have. why? for what? I don't want to disappoint? don't want to upset anyone? its just really hard for me. feel guilty about making decisions in my own self-interest. even making a decision to look for a new sitter means a proactive decision for my own self-interest. who knows whether it would be good for ne or not. certainly, i don't want to make a bad choice for him just to satisfy me, but... its worth looking. ok. its worth looking into. can i get Ne and I into becky's house? do we like it there? does her style and schedule work for us? and also time to meet other parents, do playgroups, etc. we really need stuff like that. baby french classes? ... need to take some time to think: what is in Rene''s best interest? mom being with him even if she's working, or being in daycare? learning that people work and how at such a young age or playing all the time only? and then, maybe in my search, i'll find a daycare i like better for now, that he'd get more music and openness, and would develop new bonds.. shise.
setting up outlook. do i need to do this? do i need to blog? if i keep a paper calendar, do i need an e-calendar? eh, too late to un-waste that time now. it could be useful. its all what you make it. tired now, very tired, but unsure of my situation again, and that's motivating me to stay up. the prospect of having to drop a class, even one i don't really need, means that i'm changing the one the i thought i had scheduled. its kinda big for me. hey, if it works, great, if it doesn't it doesn't. no harm no foul in checking it out. if it doesn't fly, we keep looking. we keep looking. god, i just want something to pull through, to be situated a bit. just and income and something fun to do. yeah, i know i don't have experience other than being a mom, but i'm doing a good job of that mostly, and i just need more time to get better, more time with him, with others, more practice. still often wondering if childcare is what i really want to do, and who can say. i do know that its a reasonable way to be able to stay home with my kid(s) and make a living - to not be on W2 myself, even if they are paying me - for other people. god knows i'm not perfect, but i think i'd be a great caregiver. certainly, i'm not gonna sit and watch tv all day. i pay attention, i play, i music, i talk and interact. i want to do field trips and experiments and gardening and useful things. i want to live and grow and help others do the same. to build community, to grow within one, to watch my children grow within a community and, if i'm lucky and have done my job right, watch my grandchildren grow within the same community, to restart a bit of the tribalism written into my genetic code. share food, share house, share bed, share space and thought and time, share life and love, share HOME. these are the things i want. i want to share. i want to be with and within. i want to find a place for me, a place where people are like me and not, where people compare and contrast me, where those differences are used to create community, to build knowledge, to build buildings and beehives.. I want to live in that damn house adrienne. i know why i had to give it up this round, for mira. i love that little sister. but please, can i move in next, settle us down a little bit, be a place, a home. still crazy after all these years, but at least with some roots..
I'm not sure if becky's is gonna be the right place, but i should at least go and talk to her, meet her and see what she does. . i'm considering moving rene' out of barb's either way. its a long ways to travel for me. the bus travels up and down locust - 7 blocks from home both ways and it takes me an hour or more to get there. not smart. so either way, over the next bit here i'm gonna look for a new spot for him. maybe at becky's or lifeways or just somewhere up here. shit, i feel bad for that. making such big changes. taking him from the people he knows.
such a feeling of guilt i have. why? for what? I don't want to disappoint? don't want to upset anyone? its just really hard for me. feel guilty about making decisions in my own self-interest. even making a decision to look for a new sitter means a proactive decision for my own self-interest. who knows whether it would be good for ne or not. certainly, i don't want to make a bad choice for him just to satisfy me, but... its worth looking. ok. its worth looking into. can i get Ne and I into becky's house? do we like it there? does her style and schedule work for us? and also time to meet other parents, do playgroups, etc. we really need stuff like that. baby french classes? ... need to take some time to think: what is in Rene''s best interest? mom being with him even if she's working, or being in daycare? learning that people work and how at such a young age or playing all the time only? and then, maybe in my search, i'll find a daycare i like better for now, that he'd get more music and openness, and would develop new bonds.. shise.
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